THE PARACHUTE OF REGRETS

Dear 25 - year - old me, 

How are you doing? I hope everything will be going as planned by the time you read this letter. If everything is not okay, don't panic. We live in a beautiful world, after all. 

SORROWFUL UNDER THE WILLOW BARK

I had quite a terrible day yesterday. By "terrible", I don't mean it was a day of mishaps and disasters, but rather "mundaneness". Isn't it scary and lonesome to go through a mundane day? Isn't every living day supposed to be nothing short of wonderful? 

I woke up at mid - day because I was having trouble sleeping the previous night. A mournful dream caught up to me. In my dream,  a 33 - year - old me was hiding under the crown of a big willow bark, eyes fixating on the pale blue misty horizon. A faint figure slowly strode away from me. As the figure vaporized into the mist, a pang of sorrow suddenly hit me. Who was it? I'll never know. The only thing I can be sure of is a heart-wrenching stream of regret that ran in my vein . Whatever regret I must have had, I'm really scared to bring myself to recall it. 

The sorrow that I carried with me in that dream lingered on for the whole day. The day passed by with no upbeat. I found myself drowning in an ocean of dull faces, distant laughter and monotonous work . As you may recall, on that day, I went to bed feeling alienated to the rest of the world. With my eyes closed, my mind was taken back to the image of a solitary me hiding under a willow bark with a heart loaded with regrets. 

ARE WE REALLY MISERABLE CREATURES? 

Regret. Solely the word itself is drenched in sadness. It takes us back to the time that we wish could have been different. It pains us because not only does it remind us of things we should have done differently, but also can't be erased, just like the past. We all make mistakes, and our regrets are the markings of these mistakes in the course of time. We can bury our regrets and keep them somewhere deep down in our soul, but the markings are always there, like a wrinkle in time that can't be flattened out. If there were a "What if" button, one that everyone could use to turn back in time, I'm pretty sure quite a few people would push it. But the question remains: are we all really miserable creatures carrying regrets in our hearts? 

IT'S OKAY. LIFE ITSELF IS NOT SYMMETRICAL. 

Regrets aren't meant to be erased. They are meant to exist due to our imperfections. At certain times in our life, what seems to be a perfect choice may turn out to be a bad decision later on. But it's okay. Life itself is not symmetrical. We, as humans, are asymmetrical. Our hands are of different sizes. We tend to prefer certain foods, songs or movies over others. Sometimes, we would fall in love with someone and they suddenly become the center of our attention despite all the attractive people surrounding us. So if our minds, our hearts, our souls are flawed, isn't it unnatural to always make the right decision? Aren't we all hanging on to dear life despite our imperfections? 

We grow on our mistakes. The regrets that once burdened us keep being pushed further and further to the back of our brain until they become nearly invisible. The thing is, thanks to the what-could-have-beens, we get to where we are today. We learn from them to treat ourselves and others better. The wrinkle can't be flattened out, but we can learn to embrace it as time goes by. The regrets will eventually navigate us towards a beautiful horizon. 

My 25 - year - old self, I'm sorry for all the regrets I may bring you. There will be days when you feel like a wounded bird plunging from the sky, but don't let these regrets pull you down. Let them be your parachute. You'll be scared, but it's okay. Even if you fall, you'll fall gracefully and painlessly. 

Regards, 

Phuong