SHINE A LIGHT

When I was 12 years old, I started to create an imaginative world of my own. Unlike others', my world is pitch black, borderless and without a sound, except for my heart beats. In this world, I walk days and nights in the dark towards a magnificent cube of light. It keeps spinning slowly to the beat of my heart and getting more and more transparent as I get closer. Until now, the cube is still shining blindingly whenever I close my eyes. It's so beautiful. It brightens my whole imaginative world. 

To this day, I'm still lost in my imaginative world sometimes. It represents my philosophy of "being": to have endless journeys, ones with hardships that will finally dissolve into my whole existence, to the point that I find peace and blinding light in the darkest nights. 

EVERYBODY HURTS

Have you ever felt so detached from your surroundings? I know I had. There were days when I felt like everyone around me was blurring into a thousand identical faces."Nothing is worthy of my attention. Everything looks the same. Everyone looks like one another." That was my thought during a hard time I had. It's not true though. Everyone is undoubtedly unique and brings too much goodness into my life. 

Thinking back to when I was in my late teens, I've realized that it was so much easier for me to victimize myself. It was so easy to let pain be the center of my world. As I moaned, or cried, I became this selfish person who took people down into my pit. When I felt sadness, I wanted others to feel it too. So terrible, yet instinctual, don't you think? Once in pain, most of us grieve before we become better. In grief, our hearts sink and weigh down our loved ones' hearts. In grief, we tend to forget one fundamental thing: EVERYBODY HURTS. The people who stay by our side during difficult times have their own struggles. Aren't we too selfish to take them for granted and undermine their sufferings? At the end of the day, it is those amazing people that join us on our endless journeys and lead us to the blinding light. When we get better, it isn't just our days that get brighter, but theirs, too. 

The beautiful thing about pain is that it is universal. 

Be it you, me or the most optimistic person in the entire world, at some point in our life, we feel pain. We understand what our loved ones are going through, or we try to understand at the least. We don't let pain turn us all into a miserable bunch. As companions in life, we help each other up. In all fairness, we are optimists at heart. And as simple as that, we become each other's shelter in the stormiest nights. 

SHINE A LIGHT 

Casting my mind back on the painful experiences I've had, I've got no regrets. Surely there were tears, but there were triumphs also. The triumphs that I had couldn't have existed without those who picked me up from the ground and took me as I am. It's amazing how I showed parts of me that weren't that pretty, yet these people still reached out to me, though with hesitance at times, to make me feel better about myself. I am so grateful. 

They say "You are your worst enemy" . What this means, I think, is that the battles within yourself hinder you from taking further steps. But much more importantly, sometimes, you turn into this ugly version of yourself that fails to appreciate the things you have and disregards other's feelings. The battles you have are not to be fought alone. They are to go in hands with others' battles. Only when you become sympathetic of other's pains and struggles will your hardships dissolve into your cells with all positivity and make you a better person. 

I've learnt my lesson that even the worst day is not the end of the world. On the stormiest days, I shall find shelter in the arms of those who care about me. Without these stormy nights, I can't get closer to the blinding light that is the arms of people I love. They welcome me with no judgement of my flaws. 

I, too, will shine a light on them in their darkest nights even with the heaviest heart. 

Thanks for reading

A POCKETFUL OF MUSES

"Oh dream-maker, you heart-breaker, wherever you're going, I'm going your way" 

To me, dream is such a beautiful concept. It keeps me going everyday, and breathes life into the future that I can hardly anticipate. My dream is big. It not only clouds my days with joy and ecstasy, but also a thousand fears. The closer I get to it, the more fearful I get. But believe it or not, with fears comes courage. In the pursuit of my dream, I have overcome so many fears that gradually, I've gotten more courageous. Undoubtedly, a lot of bumps and holes awaits me on the road ahead. But never will I give up, simply because I'm fortunate enough to have all the muses to push me forward. 

MY MISSION, MY MUSE.

Just a few weeks ago, one of the job candidates asked me during his interview:

 "Have you ever thought of given up?".

He was talking about a project I'm working on. I took around 5 seconds to come up with an answer. During that 5 seconds, a few faces and images flashed through my mind. I was taken back to 3 years ago, when I was lost in a maze of a thousand choices. As a rebel in class, I hated college. The lengthy lectures bored me to sleep, and the exams scared the life out of me. My heart was always drenched with uncertainty despite the many opportunities that were offered to me. I knew something was wrong. "Who should I become?" - I wondered.

On November, 2012, I decided to join a volunteering campaign named "Green Summer" at school out of curiosity. And in the blink of an eye, I was changed. I quickly realized that no matter who I become, my mission is to change the life of others, like how others have changed mine. At the end of the day, it is my mission, not my job, that defines me and my future. 

"No, there's no way I'm giving up." 

That was my answer. I meant every word of it. So long as I am still alive and kicking, I would never want to lose track of my mission. The moment I let go of it, my whole existence and identity will shatter. To this day, the thought of changing other's lives has been the biggest muse to drive me forward. 

MY PEOPLE, MY MUSE.

Last night I stayed up until 2 AM to work on my project. It would have been just another working night if I had not received an email from my assistant at 1 AM. She completed the work just as well as I expected despite the fact that it was one hour over midnight. "Why?" - I asked myself. 

Last weekend, our team held an event as part of the project. We invited some parents to tag along behind our students as they ran around the park. It was 37 degree Celsius outside, yet some parents would run ceaselessly under the burning sun to join their kids. "Why?" - I asked myself. 

Last month, we were lucky enough to recruit a talented teacher to our team. She has plenty of experience working for multicultural organizations and her English is excellent. Despite her busy schedule, she volunteered to help us with our latest event. As one of the custodians for the scavenger hunt, she waited patiently for our students to finish their tasks regardless of the killing heat. "Why?" - I asked myself.

You know, maybe I am doing something right, something that others can relate themselves to, something that they believe in. 

"My people", as I call them, share my dreams and hopes. We're after the same rainbow's end. Even if I fail, I firmly believe that my dream cannot die as long as I still have them as my muse. 

We're after the same rainbow's end.

With a pocketful of muses, and a heart full of passion, I'll be okay. 

Thanks for reading.