ALL THE RIGHT FEARS

"Fear" in Inside Out

In the world of filmography, "fear" is not an unpopular concept. We have hundreds of horror movies scrolling out each year, some of which may not make it to the big screen, yet they are constantly being produced to meet our countless demands. There are also well-known movies titled "Who's afraid of Virginia Wolf?", "Primal Fear" or "Who's afraid of the dark?" etc. that quickly gained reputation after their premieres. In my beloved 2015 Pixar animation "Inside out", Fear is one of the many adorable characters that contributed to the success of the picture.

In our world though, we avoid talking about fears, or even acknowledging them however real they are. Society creates so much pressure on us to not "be afraid". And yes, I believe that is most cases, being fearless makes us stronger to pursue our dreams. But should we always stay fearless? And really, could we?

ON BEING FEARLESS

My mom told me not shortly after I entered kindergarten that I was a "bizarre" girl as I wasn't afraid of performing dangerous tasks that could have easily hurt me. Most of the "allegedly dangerous" things I did like playing with the iron (then getting burnt on the foot), scraping the razors against my palms or setting the blanket on fire (that was close!) basically came from my inexplicable curiosity as a young child. I couldn't anticipate the consequences so I was fearless. 

As children, we were daring because either our tiny brains weren't able to comprehend the outcomes of our misadventures (or as my mother said "what could have been") or we refused to think about them as the thrill took us over. Either way, these misadventures has taught us survival 101. For me, these are definitely hard-earned lessons that never fail to bring a smile to my face :) 

... AND FEARFUL

Well into my late-teenage years, I slowly realized that life is more about "having meanings" rather than merely "existing". When I was 18, my heart was always scared. Deep down, I knew I wasn't living my life as I should have been, and that my whole existence was that of an empty shell overtaken by a vicious circle of endless routines. This went on more dreadfully as I entered university and became quickly aware of my detachment from my own little world. I would go to school having so much fun and go to bed full of self-doubts. All that time, fear crept up to me the way it never had: painful and persistent. Letting time pass me by, among other fears, was the most vivid to me. My struggle lasted until I decided to not live for myself anymore, but to bring more goodness to the world. 

FEAR IS A FRIEND WHO'S MISUNDERSTOOD

My identity crisis has ended, but my fears still remain. Obviously, I have never been fearless as I used to believe as a kid. Strangely enough, I am happier than I could ever be, and in my mind, such an abstract concept of "life" is slowly being revealed in all shapes and colors. My early-life meltdown has brought me to believe that fear itself may be the highest form of uncertainty. At the age of 18, I was standing at the intersection of a hundred different paths I could have taken, choosing one of them bore so much burden on me that I crashed. But I got up, and came to terms with a fact: with fear, comes responsibility. However uncertain I am, it is never an answer to forfeit the fight and be satisfied with the reality, one that I know is no longer my safe house. The world, as I came out of my doubts, welcomed me with big arms.



If you think about it, since the dawn of time, it is fear that has kept us all alive and kicking. The fear of hunger, the fear of darkness, the fear of death and suchlikes have forced us to fend for ourselves and our loved ones. 

Fear is a real friend after all, don't you think? 

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KEEP ME WHERE THE LIGHT IS

The song "Gravity" by John Mayer goes like this: 

"Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me
 ...
Just keep me where the light is"

This particular song by some means sums up my philosophy for happiness: To always choose to be happy. My pursuit of happiness, like others', has obviously been a process of dealing with pain, anxiety and ecstasy. I do realize that being happy is a no-brainer as anyone could be happy eventually. Why are some of us find it hard to stay happy though? And why would we let go of happiness once we have found it?

This post is about how I struggled to stay happy, and how I choose to be happy from then on. 

Let there be pain

Growing up, I knew that pain is a fact of life. Considering my family background, and the person I have always been, I could never comprehend the words "pain" and "loss". I am extremely blessed to be born in a well-funded family. Dad works so hard to make ends meet, and mom is a lively woman with a heart of gold (lucky me!). Oddly enough, I always wanted to experience real loss, to have something taken away from me (the grass is always greener on the other side, right?). That was my mission during my late teenage years. 

It just so happened that when I turned 20, I fell in love for the first time. I matured with the relationship, and it shaped who I am today. I was so deeply infatuated that I hardly thought it would eventually come to an end (apparently, it did, and I knew that from the very beginning).  The fact that I could anticipate the sad ending did not make it any easier. I cried in bed for a week straight and lost 3 kilos. The pain faded obviously, but the struggle was real. 

To be in pain was definitely a fruitful lesson, but I learned it the hard way. 

Heaven knows we're miserable now

As human-beings, it is instinctual for us to avoid physical pains.Emotional pains, however, paint a different picture. Some of us enjoy tragic movies where the main characters die in the end. Some are drawn to dark, dystopian novels depicting a depressing society in a near future. Emotional pain is definitely something worthy of our struggle as it is usually followed by many of our triumphs. In the end, we all want to be happy. Yet quite a few of us choose to be in misery for a few reasons (please note that I'm not a psychiatrist, these are taken from my personal experience): 

• The convenience of being the victim
• Being afraid of failures
• Negative energy from others
• Curiosity 
• Comparing ourselves to others 
• Constant complaints without taking actions 
• Distancing ourselves from the society 
• Not being true to ourselves
• Lack of courage

And the list goes on. 

Keep me where the light is

From what I've learnt so far, the key to being happy is choosing to be happy. In times of trouble, it is not my resolution that matters, but my attitude that turns the whole thing around. Pain may seem comfortable because it gives us a moment to take a pity on ourselves. But when we stay too comfortably in pain (that is we are afraid to take the next steps to overcome it all), it makes us unhappy, and others unhappy. 

Light conquers darkness. More than anything, positive energy seems to be my savior in desperate times. I love a cup of ice cream when I'm sad because it makes me feel good. I work hard to overcome the pain because my little wins trump my losses. "When I feel sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead" - said Barney (haha, so true!). 

Keep me where the light is

So here's what I've been doing to keep myself away from negative energy: 

• Isolating myself from negative influences: people who are not fond of me, or are judgmental of my flaws, or are constantly complaining.
• Finding something new to be excited about: learning a new language, improving my skills, or writing a blog maybe? ;)
• Stepping out of my comfort zone
• Spending time with my family who are so supportive of me

After all, new adventures await me for every breath I take, so why the sad face? :)

Thanks for reading